15 \\ What Does The Bible REALLY Say About Narcissists, And How Can Abuse-Informed Biblical Counseling Help In Marriage With A Narcissistic Spouse? A Conversation With Kelli Russell Of Grace Matters

What does the Bible say about these people we call “narcissists,” what do they look like, and how can abuse-informed biblical counseling help in a marriage with a narcissistic spouse?

 

Listen to this episode and learn:

 

-One of the main things you DON’T see in a narcissistic individual

 

-One of the biggest signs a woman is in a narcissistic relationship

 

-Why marriage counseling doesn’t work when you’re married to someone with narcissistic tendencies

 

More takeaways:

We want to be cautious about using the term “narcissism” in the same way secular psychology does for a couple of reasons: first, we’re dealing with people created in the image of God, and second, there is always a possibility of change in Christ.  We’re not to walk in fear or hopelessness with these people, even if we end up needing to separate from them.

 

Narcissism is what the Bible calls selfishness and pride, and it occurs on a scale.  One thing that distinguishes narcissists from your average sinner who struggles with anger, selfishness, and arrogance is an unwillingness to receive counsel— they evade counsel time and time again.

 

A person can be narcissistic without being perniciously oppressive.  Oppression is a problem with power and control; narcissists don’t always evidence a problem with power and control, but they always demonstrate an exceptionally high desire for self-protection.  They want to be seen as “having it all together,” and will do anything to protect the image of who they are.

 

So, the two things that define narcissism are not so much the degree of pride and selfishness, but the self-protection and unwillingness to receive counsel.

 

Goals for individual (NOT marital) counseling: strengthen the base of the survivor, and hold the spouse with narcissistic tendencies accountable, that they may begin to see their heart the way God sees their heart.

 

For counseling information from Grace Matters, Kelli Russell's biblical counseling ministry, visit https://www.gracemattersministries.org/

 

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